Red Carpet Report Card: Oscars 2013

The 2013 Academy Awards - the Oscars to you and me - are taking place as I type at the Dolby Theatre in Hollywood.

My first reaction was surprise at how many of the dresses I actually liked - compared to my Golden Globe bitch-a-thon that is. Only a few stood out as not quite right, whilst the majority shone with effortless style. My favourite look of the night had to be Amanda Seyfried in McQueen. You can check out my full report card below for who triumphed and who could have tried harder.

My favourite look of the night was from Amanda Seyfried who wore a custom Alexander McQueen dress in a lilac/pink shade. On the red carpet she commented she could hardly breathe in the corset but it was so worth it to achieve the end result. Sometimes you have to suffer for fashion *she types whilst wearing leopard print pyjama's*.
I'm also so glad Amy Adams brought her A-game to the Oscars. OK so its not the strong shoulder, sexed up look I asked her for after the Golden Globes but it is a marked improvement and she gets points for trying in this frothy Oscar de la Renta gown.

I don't like this on Charlize Theron. I get that she'd want to do minimal to match her newly chopped off locks but for me this is too similar to the Chanel white column two-piece Anne Hathaway wore back at the Golden Globes In January. The top half isn't bad but the train at the back of the skirt makes it look far too bridal for my liking and the blindingly, almost shiny shade of white looks cheap not couture. For the record here Charlize is wearing a Christian Dior Haute Couture dress, Roger Vivier shoes, and some understated Harry Winston jewellery.

I'm going to say two words: Drag Queen. It's the shoulder pads. You can't wear huge 80's style shoulder pads and that many sequins without the associations Halle Berry. Obviously this dress is a Versace number, again its doing her no favours though I will say in her defence it is far better than that car crash dress from the Golden Globes. Does anyone else feel like Halle needs a Versace-cation? Maybe she should go to Armani-ville. I hear they have taste there.

Jennifer Garner wore a custom made strapless Gucci gown with some serious bling for the Oscars. What I appreciated most about her dress was the blast of colour after an endless parade of nude and white gowns. I'm not sold on the back of the dress though - is it must me or does she look like a giant sea creature with all that tulle going on? An anemone maybe? Also, don't even get me started on how she's colour matched her shoes to the dress. Whoever is selling this as a trend MUST BE STOPPED!
Effortless Jennifer Lawrence strikes again! Wearing a Dior Haute Couture dress, Chopard jewels, a Roger Vivier clutch, and Brian Atwood shoes she looks like the belle of the ball. I have nothing bad to say about this, in fact extra credit for wearing the necklace back to front and minimal make-up to show off her natural beauty. Jennifer has a very good stylist, that woman so deserves a raise for all her hard work this year!

Jessica Chastain was one of the first down the red carpet in this strapless Armani Prive dress, worn with Christian Louboutin heels, and Harry Winston jewels. I don't want to say I told you so, but I did tell her to wear Armani to the Oscars and not her usual Calvin Klein - giving her some much needed structure and shape. As a result she looks like sex on legs. I should like totally be her stylist already! Seriously I should be on her pay roll.

I feel like this is a version of Naomi Watts sent back from the future to show us what we'll be wearing when we enter into a galactic war in space. Kudos for trying something different to all the girly, frilly-ness around but its still thumbs down from me Watts.

Zoe Saldana's face is so strained in this picture I really do fear for the red carpet cleaner. Maybe she's just spotted Bradley Cooper looking like an absolute fox and realised that Alexis Mabille Couture dress is a mess. There is far too much going on here so let me break it down for you: A three tiered, three colour side train, a centre split, a corset, a belt, a bow, floral applique and sweetheart neckline. It was probably a perfectly happy dress and then some over-eager apprentice kept adding bits on like an episode of art attack. Not even the Neil Lane jewellery, Roger Vivier shoes, and Salvatore Ferragamo clutch can save it. She should break up with her stylist - I haven't seen her in anything great in a long time!

Lastly, not content with flashing us her lady parts a few months back, Anne Hathaway decided it was nipples ahoy at the Oscars. Maybe it was just colder than she'd anticipated, and yes the chest darts in the dress didn't help, but this silk Prada gown gave us a sight that we hadn't bargained for. Anne's dress, which she said was 'business at the front, party at the back' (beg to differ) was complimented by Tiffany jewellery which looked hastily added to somehow make it less boring. Most importantly this dress isn't screaming 'I'm a winner', instead I feel like I'm back to hitting the snooze button with Anne. I'm so curious to see the Valentino dress she rejected at the last minute - I bet it was way better than this. I also bet Valentino is so pissed off that they will no longer be exchanging Christmas cards.

I hope you enjoyed my edit, as ever let me know who you thought were the best dressed. Credit: All images from


  1. Bloody brilliant post!
    Totally agree on Halle Berry, Charlize Theron and Anne Hathaway.

    Disagree on Naomi Watts - I think she looks stunning.

    Your blog is going from strength to strength - adore it!

    T xx

  2. Great thoughts! I love Jennifer Garner's dress, the colour was great.