Oscars 2013 Red Carpet Report Card: Part Two

So this post is just to deal with the left-overs from last night's Oscar's 2013 Red Carpet. It doesn't necessarily mean I thought these actresses weren't worthy of the first edit, just that by 3am last night my brain had switched off and I was no longer able to type full sentences. Case in point: my notes next to Salma Hayek's name simply said "gack". I think that's the exact noise I made when I saw the dress and it still sums up my feelings pretty well, but never the less I wanted to offer my readers something slightly more profound. So here goes round two of my Oscars 2013 red carpet report. Let's go!

Yippee! Kerry Washington in awesome dress shocker. I was so pleasantly surprised she wore this Miu Miu number that I nearly fell off my chair. I love the colour on her, the shape is great, and the jewelled bodice is just the right about of embellishment without heading into Zoe Saldana-esque overkill. The dress was nicely accessorised with Christian Louboutin shoes, a Prada bag, Chopard earrings, and a Fred Leighton ring. She nailed it. I want to high five her.

At first I liked this dress on Skyfall star Naomie Harris but having slept on it I'm now not convinced I wasn't just over-tired and delirious. The floor sweeping number is from Ghana-born Michael Badger, the winner of the Red Carpet Green Dress Challenge. I like the bronze / gold colour on her and from up close I enjoy the bodice embellishment made from vintage glass beads, but from a distance (combined with the slightly strange peplum bits of fabric hanging off at the waist) it looks a bit like she has a worrying skin condition. The waist high split also caused me some concern - someone should explain to her that being Miss Moneypenny doesn't mean you're expected to flash your tuppence to everyone.

When your husband is head honcho of pretty much every luxury brand worth talking about on the planet right now ( Francois-Henri Pinault of PPR) and all you can hunt up to wear for the Oscars are some old blue velvet drapes and a bejewelled neck brace its time to start thinking about that pre-nup. For example what's the discount in Gucci post divorce? She's far more beautiful than that dress is giving her credit for and don't even get me started on the hair. I'm sticking to my original thought of 'gack'.

I like the use of blue and black together in this Louis Vuitton dress which is rarely seen on the red carpet, and I like the fact that the bow is off centre - very cute Reese Witherspoon. I'm not entirely convinced by the bottom half however - like so many trains this year it looks a bit sloppily done - but I'm going to let it slide because she's so god damn smiley and I love her.  

Bleurgh - this looks like someone ate a whole wedding cake made of tulle and then threw it up all over the bottom of an ill-fitting wedding dress. Just like Jennifer Garner's purple Gucci dress I feel like Kristen's gown by Reem Acra has been spoilt by some over-zealous use of tulle. Was there a sale on tulle in January or something? I have an image in my head now of people ass end up in the bargain bin at 80's thrift stores *shudder*. Let this be the end of it.

I feel like I've seen Sandra Bullock in this same dress at least 100 times now. Black, check, full length, check, all over embellishment, check. There's nothing wrong with the Elie Saab couture gown, I'm just not getting that WOW factor I want from an Oscar dress. I'm also getting a whiff of Eva (aka the widow Longoria) if it had more cleavage and a lot more leg that is - which wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing in this case. I'd have LOVED it if she'd gone leg-bombing a la Angelina.

To see my Oscar 2013 Red Carpet Report Card Part 1 just click here and as per usual comments are welcome.

1 comment:

  1. I absolutely love your commentary! Too hilarious. I so totally agree about Kristen Stewart... I just don't get why everybody loves her so much...